Don't Do Stupid Things
by Smorselology 101
Summary: hello there! READ THIS this is funE, if u like tsubame, pretend that it is someone else in the 1 and 2 chappies 3rd chappie about sano and megumi go ahead and flame but PLEASE review
1. Default Chapter

Don't Do Stupid Things

A/N: if you like Tsubame, don't read this chapter, if you don't like Tsubame, read this, and if you just flat out don't care, read it, or don't, the choice is yours…Darn it… But those of you who do read this…please be proud of me… I listened to Britney Spears song "hit me baby one more time" 5 times for the first part of this story…

Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin or the song hit me baby one more time or the girl named Siye…although, I would like to own Rurouni Kenshin… 

Stupid act numero uno: Tsubame… dies…

"I must confess…"

My name is Tsubame.

"That my loneliness…"

I am 17 years old, going on 18.

"Is killing me now…"

I work at the akabeko for money…

"Don't you no I still believe…" 

Because girls need to make a living, too!

"That you will be here…"

But, here I am, walking to the akabeko…

"Give me a sign…"

With a bunch of people…

"Hit me baby one more time…"

And lucky me… when I said that, someone hit me… literally… 

"Umm… excuse me, sir… When I said 'hit me baby one more time', I didn't mean literally 'hit me'…" I explained to the man. He replied with a grunt. "That's ok, I get that a lot…" I muttered back to him.

Anyway, I eventually made it to the akabeko, just to be greeted with another pleasantry: Yahiko with his potential wife, or, if my wishes come true, soon- to- be- dead potential wife…oops! Bad thought… bad me…Well, either way, her name was Siye. Personally, I think she's lied about all those stories, I mean, who could lose their mother, sister, and father in a matter of weeks? And, to top it all off, she was taken away and forced to marry a guy against her will? It's all a load of hoo-hah to me…oops… bad thoughts… bad thoughts… 

"Hey, Tsubame, you're not gonna earn any money just standing around. Go serve that guy over there." Tae (?) said, pointing towards the corner that was conveniently dark, which fit the guy perfectly, because he was wearing all black, even his hair was black… or dark brown… I can't tell from here. "Right away." I replied, grabbing a tray. I approached carefully, because this guy looked…uh… kind of scary. 

"Ah, excuse me, may I take your order?" I asked trying not to sound scared, but I think he noticed, cause I heard people who are dressed in black can usually smell fear. "Yeah, you may." He answered in the eeriest tone of voice I have ever heard. " What may it be?" I asked with the sweetest tone of voice I could conjure up. "You." Was all he said before he grabbed me, muffled my screams with a…dirty old…sock…ewww… and sprinted out of the door. No one seemed to notice, because no one seemed to even try to come after me. Oh, how I wish Yahiko would come and save me…Dang Siye! How I wish she would die, then Yahiko could set all of his attention on me…oops! Bad thoughts… gotta get those out of my head.

We were traveling for a good hour or so (my sides hurt like crup {crup: a cross between crap and crud} cause he was carrying me the whole time), before he finally stop and put me down at a place that look like it belonged to a king, which it probably did. "Wow…" was all I could say. "This is my home; I rule over this land. And if anyone disobeys me, they get 'the guillotine of death'." He explained plaintively, before taking his mask thing of the bottom half of his face. All's I could do was stare in awe. He had the most gorgeous face I have ever seen, a more gorgeous face than even Yahiko. But, that was just me. 

That night, after he had taken me to his castle, got me room to stay in, proposed that I have to be his queen, and umm… wait- that was it, while we were eating dinner, he told me the most twisted thing in my mind that could happen. "Can you keep a secret?" was what he first asked, and I shook my head yes. "Tomorrow, I am going to launch an attack on my own country, and blame it on Tokyo." And in response, I just stared, with my mouth wide open, as my food slowly fell out of my mouth. And here I am now, in bed thinking I should tell all those poor people about the governor, or king…whatever! So, that's what I am going to do. Everybody should still be up, since it's only 8:13. 

So, I did. I found the thing that signals that the king… governor… person… needs an emergency meeting. Within 15 minutes, everyone was gathered there, though, it wasn't a lot of people, at least a grand total of about 400 people. "People of this…town…yeah…," is what I started out with, "Your… Town… is in great danger! Your king is going to double cross you! He's-" I was cut off my a large tug at my night gown. "You double crosser!" The governor said, enraged. "TO THE GUILLOTINE!!" When he said that, one thing went through my mind:

Britney Spears. 

I don't know why. Maybe she's going to be a really famous singer in the future. Maybe her first big hit would be that song I was singing this morning. Maybe a million people will love her because of her first album. Maybe people will start having second thoughts about her after her second or third one.

Nah.

Anyway, back to the big issue. I'm about to die. I think I led a pretty good life. I mean, I met Yahiko. We seemed to like each other. Until Siye showed up. Just because she saved him from dying in the river because of that dumb army…policeman…guy…doesn't mean that they'd fall in love and be together for the rest of their lives…hoping that hers ends soon so Yahiko can come to me and say something like 'Tsubame, I was wrong to fall for her! This whole time, I was chasing after the wrong person! Tsubame, you're the one I truly love!!' Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, a voice came. It said:

"TSUBAME. I AM THE AUTHERESS. I HAVE TO ASK YOU SOMETHING."

Yes, go ahead.

"YOU'VE HAD TIME TO PLAN THIS OUT, HAVEN'T YOU?"

…Yes.

"JUST CHECKING."

O.K! Bye!

"YEAH, WHATEVER."

Well, here I am, with my head in the guillotine neck holder place…with the dirty old sock in my mouth, again. Suddenly the President cut into my thoughts, saying, "People of this town! Count down with me!" Oh, great. I just remembered, I wasn't supposed to think bad thoughts!! "3…" here we go… "2…" Goodbye to all those people I have met in my life! "1!" Bye… "Good riddance."

****

TWO YEARS LATER 

"Hey, Yahiko. You want to go to that new 'museum of heads' today?" Siye asked. "Sure." Yahiko answered. So, the couple headed out to the 'museum of heads. When they got there, of course, they looked around, until they came upon a familiar looking head. "Doesn't that remind you of that girl named 'Tsunami' or whatever?" Siye asked. Yahiko replied with a "Who?" "Do you think these heads are real?" the young woman asked. "Nah. Most likely made of wax." The young man replied as they walked away.

A/N: well, there you go, the first chapter to don't do stupid things. Hope you all liked it! Oh, and to learn more about Siye, go and read Turn of the Tides, its really good. It might not be updated or stuff for a while, but its really good. Anyway, the next chapter is about why choir is spelt C-H-O-I-R, and y it should've been spelt Q-W-I-R-E. at least, why I think it that way. But for that, I want at least 4 interviews, and not by the same person over and over again. Well, TTFN! TA TA for now!


	2. Chapter 2: stupid act numero knee: yet a...

A/N: hello again!!! I lied. Twice.I got bored, and decided to write again, and this is another Tsubame dies thing, not the choir thing I told you guys who have read this about. Don't ask why, I just hate Tsubame. Maybe because she needs Yahiko to help her with **EVERYTHING**. Well, basically everything. And she always calls him "little" Yahiko. What's up with that? Well, anyway, here's the second installment of DON"T DO STUPID THINGS. Yay!!!

Disclaimer: Do you think a kid like me could possibly ever own Rurouni Kenshin, Siye, Mentos, Right Aid, OR, wait, that's it…

You do?

Oh, well, then. Just to let you know, I don't, so you don't have to sue me!! Yay!!

Stupid act numero knee: yet again, Tsubame dies…

My name is Tsubame. I am 18, going on 19. I work at the Akabeko for a living. I've worked there for the past six to seven years, so it's basically become my home (don't worry, I don't live here…), and everyone who works here is my family. Except Siye. She's not. Because she took Yahiko away from me.

Can you believe it? He chose that goody- goody two- shoes over me, who, in my opinion, is MUCH prettier. CRUP!! Bad thoughts… bad thoughts… Sure, they both have stuff in common, like they both don't have parents, they both know the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu… or style? I could never get that part. They both like sword fighting, they both like to do dangerous stuff, but not too dangerous. But there were a couple of years where it was just Yahiko and me, the best years of my life. Then she came, and ruined it all, like I said.

So, for the past couple of weeks, I've been practicing swordsman ship, and have gotten pretty good if I do say so my self. See, my whole plan is to get good at swordsmanship, and battle Siye for Yahiko, and hopefully beat her to a bloody pulp. Of coarse, it's wooden swords, because I can't hold a real sword and fight. It's too heavy. But, anyway, when I beat Siye, Yahiko is going to come up to me, and say, 'Oh, Tsubame! I just realized that, she's not the one I truly love! You're the one! You're the I have always truly loved!' then give me a big smackeroo right on the lips, then ask me to marry him. And then-

"TSUBAME!!!"

Aughhhhh!!! Who are you?!

"I AM THE AUTHERESS."

Oh.

"YEAAHHH… ANYWAYS, HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD TO CONJURE THIS PLAN UP?"

Oh, about as long as Siye's been here and dating Yahiko.

"O.O I HAVE…TO…GO…YEAH, THAT'S IT…"

O.K! Bye! 

O.K… that was interesting…Anyway, I think I have been practicing long enough, plus I cant wait to beat her to a bloody pulp, so tomorrow, I'm marching straight to her house, and challenging her!! 

****

NEXT DAY

Like I said, I'm marching to her house right now, as I think this, with wooden sword in the left hand, and some Mentos in the other left hand…er, right hand. Oh, and what a coinkeedink! There's Siye, right there, going into the…Rite Aid Drug Store…Wonder why…Well, that's not my problem! It's hers! I'm serious! It is! If it was my business, then I'd be the one walking in, not her, or I'd at least pester her about it until she told me her problem.

Which is exactly what I did. " Heeeeyyyy, Siye-chan. Whatcha doin'?" I asked, real slyly, I think. "Oh, Tsubame, I didn't expect to see you. Here. At this moment." She replied, sounding really nervous. " I was just… uh… just… getting… some… diet pills! That's it, diet pills." "Oh, o.k." I think she was telling the truth. She had been coming to the Akabeko for some soup a lot lately, and was probably putting on some weight. Just then a little girl walked by.

"Heeeeyyyy…When's the baby due?" the little girl asked innocently. Everyone's eyes widened. "I'm so sorry, miss. She doesn't know the difference." The mother went on to explain. "Yes I do." The little girl shot back. "Eheheh… that's ok," Siye said as she knelt down, "What's your name, little girl?" "Shelley." The little girl said, shyly. "Well, Shelley, her, have this." Siye said, handing her a piece of chocolate. "What do you say?" the mother insisted. "Can I have it now?" the little girl asked, as they walked away. (Yeah, I know, that whole part was pointless, but … I'm weird, so I had to.)

…Interesting. Anyway, after that, I finally asked Siye, "Can I have some chocolate?" She gave me some, then while I was eating it, I said, "I chahllenge ew sew a fight sew ah dess." "What?"…Gulp…"I challenge you to a fight to the death." I answered, licking my fingers off. "Uh, ooh…Kay…" she said, as we into position. "Why?" she said, suddenly. "Welllll, you took Yahiko away. So, the circumstances to this fight: whoever wins gets Yahiko." Siye glared and replied "You're on." In a really cold voice, I might add. You know, the type of cold voice that sends chills down your back.

The next thing I knew, I was charging at her (A/N: just to tell you, Siye conveniently had a wooden sword with her, cause, everyone just seems to conveniently have what they need exactly with them.), when she suddenly disappeared, and out of nowhere, something hit my back, really hard, and continued to hit me in that fashion, till I was the bloody pulp. And that's all I remember. After that, I remember seeing a bright light, then, everything turned red. And I also noticed it was reaaallly hot there. And everyone had red horns and red tails with a point at the end. 

Well, that's my story. I have to go dig in the ground until I sweat blood. Adios! Guatemala! Bye!

A/N: crud, another whole lotta space left. Anyhoo that's the second chapter, hope y'all liked it! Oh, yea. THANKIES TO: Siye-chan, who was the first person to review my story. Umm… that's pretty much it. I have no idea on what to do for the next chapter, so, if the people who do actually read this have any ideas, ANYTHING, doesn't necessarily have to be Tsubame dies, or Kenshin for that matter, anything, it would be greatly appreciated. Until next time, whenever that might be, konichiwa! BYYYYYYEEEEEEE! O, and remember; DON'T DO STUPID THINGS.


	3. Chapter 3: stupid act numero sun: somthi...

A/N: YO AGAIN ALL MY FAITHFUL READERS WHICH IS ONLY SIYE-CHAN AS FAR AS I KNOW! THANKIES FOR REVIEWING ME STORY! U R THE ONLY REVIEWER! **IF PEOPLE WOULD JUST READ THIS, THEY'D FIND OUT THIS IS A REALLY FUNNY STORY, EVEN IF YOU LIKE TSUBAME!! **THIS CHAPPIE, HOWEVER, IS ABOUT SANO AN MEGUMI, A LITTLE GET TOGETHER IN A FUNNY LITTLE WAY. WELL TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS, READ ON. ^_^! ENJOY!!

Disclaimer: INOOWNTHISCOMPUTER, THEHOUSEILIVEIN, THESTATEILIVEIN, SOWHATMAKESYOUTHINKSIOWNTHECOUNTRY, LETALONE, RUROUNIKENSHIN, SIMPSON'S ROAD RAGE, OR THE WALL STREET JOURNAL!?!? That was fun, yellin' it out like that…

Stupid act numero Sun (Chinese): Sumtin' about Sano and Megumi 

And…action!

Once upon a time, there was a guy, tall, had spiked up brown hair, and liked to get into fist fights all the time, and there was a gal, normal height for her age, long, black hair, and liked doing her job best: being a doctor. Since Sano got into fist fights a lot, you could suspect that he had to go see her a lot to get his injuries taken care of, so you could also suspect that they had gotten to be pretty good friends.

One day, he came in to get one of his injuries checked up on, and invited her to Yahiko-Chan's::HEY!:: birthday party! He was turning uh, 13, how about. "Who's going?" the pale looking girl asked (she should go tan some more, I'm not kidding). 

"Uh, Yahiko,"

"No duh,"

" Kaoru," 

"Stupid Raccoon Girl!" 

"Tsubame," 

"…Why may I ask?" 

"Suzume,"

"He better have,"

"Ayame (?),"

"Good, good,"

"Kenshin, and-"

"I'LL GO!" She yelled all to loudly, cause a patient in the other room said, "Mommy! Duck and cover! A giant's coming!" "Kay, well, anyway, it's at the dojo, tomorrow at…high nooooooon…" Sanosuke said as a tumbleweed strolled by. "How'd that get in here?" Megumi asked. "Sorry!" some teenager with a voice like that kid in Simpson's Road Rage who needs to go to the Kookie Mart to get some zit cream, really geeky. "Well, anyway, I've gotta go stock up on the junk Yahiko want's. See ya!" Sano said, heading out the door. "Not so fast! You're not getting out of your shots that easily!" Megumi said, starting to pull out something from her bag. "Huh? What shots?" "THESE ONES!" Megumi said, looking maniacal. She had pulled out a huge machine gun (yes, somehow, she fit it in her bag thing.). Suddenly, loud shots and screams could be heard inside the fox ladies office, and soon, a guy came running out yelling, "AHHHH! SHE'S GONE CRAZY!! WHY DID THE COW MUTANT WRITE THIS PART IT'S TOTTALLY POIINTLESS!!" Yes, it is pointless, that's why the cow mutant put it in.

****

NEXT DAY, HIGH NOOOOOOON, THE DOJO

"Yay! Everyone came!! Dodeda day!" Yahiko exclaimed, very excited. "I bought everything you wanted: salt water taffy, the wall street journal, balloons, all that stuff to make paper mache`, sake…" "Sano, you bought that for yourself." Kaoru pointed out. "I did? Wow, I must have been caught up in the excitement of shopping…whoo- hoo, shopping…" Sano said, sarcastically. "Did you buy the stuff I need to make the cake (did they have cakes back then? In my world they did, so NYAHHH!)?" Kaoru asked, as everyone's eyes widened, which you probably guessed by now out of fear of dying. "Miss…Miss Kaoru's cooking the…cake?" Kenshin asked, but paying dearly for it, cause Miss Kaoru snuck up behind him and hit him in the head with a metal thing (use your imagination) right on top of his head, giving him a really large bump. "Kaoru, are you trying to KILL me on my BIRTHDAY or something?!" Yahiko yelled, but he, too, paid the price for saying that (again, use your imagination,). "Sir Ken!" Megumi said worriedly as she ran up to aid him. "Stupid Raccoon Girl! Why'd you hit him?!" "I didn't mean to hit him THAT hard!" Thus, the party had started.

Sano, while Kaoru and Megumi were fighting, had drunk sake, because that's what he does at parties. "Sano, don't drink anymore, you're killing your brain cells, and that's your 10th glass." Megumi stated. "Why would you care?" Sano asked, picking his nose with his pinky! Yay! "Well, I'm a doctor, so I should care!" "This is MY life, so whatever goes on in MY life, should be MY concern, not YOURS!!" And so, turning all her attention to Sano, Kaoru had time to sneak away to help Kenshin, even though he did not need help, cause he was already better. Thus, the fight betwixt Sano and Megumi continued on for a really long time, long enough that Kaoru (Kenshin helped, just to make sure it wasn't poisonous) had finished the cake, everyone had finished eating it, Yahiko opened all his presents, they played pin- tail- on- the- donkey 10 times, and they all went home to go to bed, or stayed at the dojo cause that was their home, thus, there bed was there.

So, on went the fight over a pointless subject. 'I need to shut her up! This is getting so annoying!! GRRRR! Ooh! I know!' Sano thought. And with that, he grabbed her by her shoulders and KISSED her. Yep, I'm not lying, he K-I-S-S-E-D her. Do you need me to spell it out for you? H-E K-I-S-S-E-D H-E-R. that's all there is to it. Right smack on the lips. And then he stopped. Cause everything comes to an end. Except, SMORSEL, THE GIGGLEE PUPPET! She never ends. And Smeagle. But that's it.

"So did that shut you up?"

A/N: Was that good? PLEASE TELL ME!! Anyhoo, if that sounded just like it was put together as I went along, it's because I did, cause all's I had for this chapter was that it was something about Megumi and Sanosuke, cause I thought 'hey, I should do the third chapter about Sano and Megumi' and thus, a Sano and Megumi story chapter thing was born. Anyway, until next time, don't do stupid things. AJOS!

  



	4. chapter 4: ummy mind is drawing a blankl...

A/N: Yo. Sorry I did not get this chapter posted sooner, with school and stuff going on. Shish, I'm tired. O well. This chapter is once again about Tsubame, but a few of her 'friends' join in also. And her boyfrend comes in, too, maybe. If I decide to. And I spelled boyfriend wrong. Tells you how good a writer I am. Its called gingivitis. No its not but I like to think so cuz I'm at the tired point of where I'm hyper. Yea, well, u doesn't want to hear my babbling. On w/ the.  
  
DISCLAIMER!! Yay!!:  
Judge: do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?  
Me: yea..  
Judge: do you own anything in this here story? *holds up this here story*  
Me: yea  
Lie detector: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP  
Me: I was joking? Please don't sue me!!!  
  
Chapter four (English) (right??) : Hm. I wonder what the future will be like.  
  
It was a quiet autumn day, and, like usual, Kenshin was doing the laundry. Kaoru was attempting to cook gooey brownies, but was failing horribly, and Sano. he was trying to find sake, part of a game he made up called find the sake, but he was loosing horribly. Yahiko was doing stuff with Siye, mainly K-I-S-S-I-N-G, but you didn't hear it from me. Megumi was there, drooling over Kenshin, mostly (her excuse for coming was that she was watching Suzume and Ayanmi). And, not to forget, Tsubame (yes, quiet Tsubame was there), was there, so she could try and steal Yahiko away from Siye, but was failing at that, like most other things, like talking loud enough to hear.  
  
"Aahhh. The laundry smells minty fresh that it does. Wait-" Kenshin said, talking to himself. "Gllllloooooorrrrrggggggiiiiiitttttthhhhhh." Megumi drooled, as Kenshin puzzled over the fact that the laundry smelled minty fresh and not autumn fresh. There was silence, except for Kenshin's muttering to himself and the occasional 'ah crud! I don't have [ingredient name]! O well, guess I'll have to use [ingredient name that doesn't usually go in brownies].' That silence was disrupted by Tsubame, when she asked, "Hey Megumi, do you know where Yahiko is?" of course, Megumi replied, "Ya know, if I get married to Kenshin, then I'll be known as auntie Megumi!" Tsubame figured it pointless to stick around there any longer, and went to ask Kenshin. "I think he's over by the fountain that a girl named Smorsel kindly gave to us for this purpose, that I do." "Thanks!" And with that, she went to find the fountain 'Smorsel so kindly gave them for this purpose'.  
  
She didn't get very far, for a bright shining light interrupted her. Curious as to what it was, Tsubame slowly headed towards the light, both mesmerized and.some other feeling. Thinking, no no no, let me rephrase that. Being as stupid as she was, she steadily put her hand up to it and touched it. She felt a slight ting! but that was it. So, she went on to find the fountain 'Smorsel so kindly gave them for this purpose'. That was when she realized all the loud noise around her. She opened her eyes, and nearly fainted.  
  
Sitting right in front of her, a huge sky scrapper touched the sky, overwhelming her and making her feel like an ant in comparison. To the side, there were cars going 60-ish miles an hour, and polluting the sky with their fumee stuff. She had to cover her ears because of the loud noise, both from the cars and from the boat on the other side of her. "Wh- where am I?!" she asked frightened (A/N: ah, what a beautiful thing to hear.)  
  
(WARNING! Lame attempt for slang coming up.)"Yo in Manhattan, G dawg." Some guy said walking past. "AHH! What? Manhattan? Whats this Manhattan you speak of? I LIVE IN TOKYO!!" Tsubame yelled, yes, quiet, little Tsubame actually talked loud enough to hear. "I live in Tokyo, with my dear sweet Yahiko WHO WILL LEARN TO LOVE ME and I work at the Akabeko.right?! AAHHH! MAYBE I WAS IN A COMA! No, because I'm wearing the same clothes I put on this morning." Tsubame went on, talking to herself.  
  
** Somewhere in Feudal Japan **  
  
It was a quiet autumn day, and, like usual, Kikyo was devising a way to kill Inu Yasha. So far, it involved a parachute, a knife, a plane, and some Gatorade (which she doesn't really know where that came from.), and is too complicated for me to describe it. Suddenly, out of the blue, she decided she needed to take a walk so she could get rid of some of that 'unsightly' weight that isn't really there. So, she went for a walk.  
  
And she was walking...  
  
And she was walking more.  
  
And some more walking she did..  
  
Until she came to a clearing with none other than .  
  
"INU YASHA THAT DECIVING CREEP!!" Kikyo noticed with.ehm. enthusiasm. A little too much enthusiasm. Everyone there turned their head. 'EEP! Gotta keep quiet, so I can put my plan into action!!' Kikyo thought. So, off she went to put her plan into action.  
But before she could get everything in place, she noticed a bright light. She just couldn't ignore it, it was so..mesmerizing. It bothered her so much, she went and touched it. Time seemed to freeze right there and then. Kikyo was surrounded by a current of shiny lights going all around her. And then.  
  
It stopped.  
  
Thinking it was all just déjà vu, she kept on going with her plan, starting to hook the fish to the tree. But it never seemed to attach to the tree. She then noticed all loud noise around her. Or, at least, louder than where she just was. Not to mention all the tall buildings and people in dark, different looking suits than what she usually sees in her time. "DAH! WHERE THE HECK AM I?!"  
  
"Yo in Manhattan G dawg! Man, people don't know their.geology.." The same guy that walked past Tsubame said. "Hm, never heard of it.it shouldn't be that far from where I usually live." Kikyo started to walk around to see if she could figure out where this 'Manhattan G dawg' is. She started to cross the street and a car was heading straight for her (ME: YES!!!)! But, ~cough cough~ UN ~cough cough~ fortunately, the car screeched to a stop right before it hit her. This got her mad, so she used one of her sacred arrows on the car, which damaged the car badly. This got the driver mad, so he started cussing. And.she got tired of this so she went on with her search of where 'Manhattan' was.  
  
**Somewhere in the middle of where Tsubame and Kikyo magically appeared MORNING TIME**  
  
It was a quiet autumn day, and, like usual, Keiko was thinking about Yusuke and his NEW girlfriend, Shells. Shells was a girl Yusuke met on the internet while in a chat room. He had called their wedding off because of her (ME: aww, sorry to hear that ~sneeze~ not!)! So, as any person would be, Keiko was mad. She instantly hated Shells for taking HER Yusuke away. I mean, Keiko was MUCH more prettier and smarter, right? To her, Shells paled in comparison. (A/N: Shells, remember: this is from Keiko's P.O.V., not mine!!! I think your gr8!) But, who cares? They're in Manhattan! Shells doesn't live near Manhattan.  
  
"Hey Keiko! Guess whose visiting Manhattan!" Yusuke said, barging through the door. "Ehm.your little short friend?" Keiko took a guess, hoping it wasn't who she thought it was. "Nah, he hates people. Its Shells! She's visiting Manhattan for no apparent reason from Oregon!" He said. Keiko wished she had a knife in hand, to stab Shells with. She decided against it, though, because Yusuke would DEFINANTILY hate her if he didn't already. "Oh, great." she replied exasperated. "What brings you to Manhattan?" Keiko asked, trying to start a conversation. "I don't know. My parents didn't tell me we were coming till the night before." Shells responded, putting up with Keiko's questions. Then it was quiet, except Yusuke's whistling. "Yea...So...I'm going to take a morning walk. You know, to wake me up." Keiko said, scurrying out the door. "But its 12: 2-" "I SAID I WAS GOING FOR A WALK!" And with that, she left.  
  
~*~  
  
Tsubame was walking along the road like a good little girl (that she's not!!), when she noticed a person in a nice looking convertible saying a long string of cusses, and another person standing there with arrows in her hand, looking as if she weren't interested. She was really interested in this, and took a seat on the side of the road and watched. After a while, the person with the arrows started to walk away to where Tsubame was sitting. She took the chance of asking this person where exactly 'Manhattan' is.though she doubted that she'd know, judging by the clothes she was wearing. But she did anyway.  
  
"Excuse me, but you don't happen to know where we are by chance, do you?" Tsubame asked, taking a huge leap just to talk to this stranger. "Excuse me? Could you repeat that, I couldn't hear you." Kikyo asked, a little annoyed. Tsubame cooperated, though annoyed at the comment, but didn't want to get hurt. I mean (g, I say that alot.), look at her! Her evil look, her pale skin, her arrows."Oh, I just asked if you would know where we were." She said, louder than before. "Ooh, no, I don't even know where this is.one minute I was setting up an elaborate trap to catch Inu Yasha, that little baka half onii (sp? Or is it yokai.), and the next, I'm in this strange place that someone said was 'Manhattan G dawg', whatever that is.." Kikyo said in one breath. "Hey! Me too!" Tsubame was excited that she wasn't the only one who didn't know where this 'Manhattan G dawg' was.  
  
Kikyo, interested in this girl's response, was thinking the same thing. "Did you see a bright light?" "Yes..." Tsubame was now REALLY excited to hear that she might have not been the only one who saw a bright light and touched it. Kikyo was likewise. "Whats your name, kid (I had to add that)?" Kikyo asked. "My names Tsubame. Tsubame Myojin hopefully soon.once I get rid of that Siye girl.Whats yours?" "My names Kikyo. It sounds like we got similar situations. Except I want to kill Inu Yasha as payback for breaking our promise." They were silent for a moment, knowing magically what each other was thinking. They both got evil glares on their faces, which scared the crap out of everyone around them.  
  
**Where ever Keiko is walking right now.**  
  
Keiko was mad, because her regular store-bought garbage bag wasn't working. And because Shells stole her fiancée away from her. And right before their wedding day! The nerve of that (bad word!!)!! She didn't have the right to just suddenly barge in on her life and totally destroy her future and take it away! It just wasn't right to do that! ESPECIALLY to Keiko! She was like. special!! This shouldn't have EVER happened to little miss perfect Keiko. He even told her he would never NEVER leave her. He'd ALWAYS be there for HER. "WELL GUESS WHAT YUSUKEE!!! YOU LIED! YOU LIED!!!!" she yelled all of the sudden, getting stares from everyone around her.  
  
Two in particular seemed to stand out. They wore not-this-century type of clothes, like from the 16th or 19th century. and they looked cool to her! So she went up to them and just started talking. Because, she's Keiko. (A/N: AA really cool part on CD.it reminds me of LOTR.O.O sry! Keep reading! ^^') They had to stop her she was getting so outta hand. So, they stopped her. "WOA, slow down there. From what I could get out of what you were saying, your fiancée got a chicken and stuffed it up your dress, so you chopped him into liver?" Kikyo took a shot.  
  
"No no no, the day before our wedding, he got onto the internet, and went to a chat room place, and met a new girl named Shells.and they talked.and talked.and then like 30 minutes before our wedding, he cancelled our wedding! And I wAnT tO KILL HER!!! AAAAAGGHHH!!!" Keiko said in frustration. "Don't get mad! Get glad!!" (A/N: 7.7 I dunno.I was in that mood.) Tsubame offered, you know, being the person she is and all. "Now now, don't get all worked up. We've all got the same situation guy wise. Except I want to kill mine. For no apparent reason. Well, actually, he betrayed me. And Tsubame here, her 'future husband' got stolen away by another girl. Like you, eh. Hey! What is your name?!" Kikyo said. Yes, just said. An then Keiko went, "Keiko, whats yours?" "Mine is Kikyo, and like I said, the kid is Tsubame."  
  
After they had met each other, they just kind of stood there. Without even talking, they all got the same ideer. And they smiled evilly, which didn't really scare the public anymore, they were used to it.  
  
~*~  
  
After talking their plan out, Kikyo, Keiko, and Tsubame went to a kitchen store and bought the sharpest knifes they had. They had an interesting visit. When they got there, a big purple dinosaur was there asking for the sharpest knifes they had. He'd said it was for a 'special' Barney (whatever it was) episode. "It's about time I did my share for clean up!" he had said. Then they went and got some ice cream, Kikyo and Tsubame amazed at how good it tasted, and that freezing feeling you get in your brain if you eat too much of it.  
  
And off they went to get their first victim! Which was Shells, so.they were going to break poor Yusuke's heart! (ME: unless Hiei gets there on time! Hiei: hn. Only if you stop making vodo dolls of me. Me: *Hides vodo doll*...What vodo doll?) Ever so slowly, as to not let them know they were sneaking through the window that has no curtains and Yusuke and Shells were staring strait at, Kikyo, Keiko, and Tsubame opened the window, and POUNCED on their prey!! "Hello, Yusuke. Guess whose visiting?" Keiko asked, trying to psyche them out. somehow."Oh! I know this one! Its its its its its Shells!!" he answered. "*Buzzer sound when you get a question wrong* Wrong!" Keiko replied, jumping onto Shells. Or, at least, trying. Shells dodged it with ease. "What's that supposed to mean? I AM visiting, so how can I not?" Shells, while kicking Keiko on the back, said. Keiko didn't say anything, because she couldn't. Shells, in the meantime, kept kicking her and stabbing her (she grabbed Keiko's knife)  
  
"How dare you hurt our friend! HIYA!" Kikyo yelled, jabbing the knife towards Yusuke. "Oh no you don't! SPIRIT GUN!!" and with that bit of blue energy stuff, Yusuke had defeated all of them. Except Keiko, which Shells killed. "Hey, you wanna go grab some dinner at that pizza place?" "You just ate, but, sure!" And with that, they left to go get some pizza.  
  
**@ the Kamiya dojo.sometime that night**  
  
"Hey, has anyone seen Tsubame?" "I have not seen Tsubame, that I haven't." "Well, maybe it's for the better." "Yea, now she wont be hittin' on you Yahiko!" ".Yes! Now she wont be following me and Siye around ALL THE TIME!!"  
  
**Wherever the Inu Yasha troop is**  
  
"Hm. haven't seen Kikyo for a while." "Yea." "I, for one, don't care." "Oh?" "Cuz she's not tryin' to kill me." "Good point."  
  
**.You'll figure it out** "Well, we almost succeeded." A very *some word that means annoyed and excited at the same time* said. "Yea, but you forgot WE HAD TWO MORE PEOPLE TO KILL!" an annoyed Kikyo said. "Hey! Look at the bright side! We got to live in this huge and very hot place, and we got a new boyfriend!" Keiko said. "A very well-known boyfriend, I might add." Tsubame said. "Yep, and devilishly handsome." Kikyo added. "Not to mention, hot!" Keiko concluded.  
  
A/N: so? How was it? Sorry it's taken so long to update, I just put it off and put it off, like most other things I do. Shley: 77 u mean EVERYTHING. Smorsel: o yea! Have you met shley? I think you have.somewhere.in one of my fanfiction. Well, PLEASE REVIEW! I LIKE REVIEWS!! Shley: don't we all. Smorsel: YEA! And.O yea! I just felt like saying, I got my first four snowdays ever a couple of weeks ago! It was fun! But then the snow like iced over, and you like couldn't walk on it. O well. And I got to c a cousin I like never c! But only for like an hour. AND- Shley: well, looks like I'll hafta close. GO AND REVIEW. Chou! (did I spell that right?) 


	5. Ye Royal chapter the 5th: ummmmmblanko!

A/N:HEY YO! How's yall doin? I no, I no, nobody reads this, but, hey. I just enjoy writing it. SO yea. This chapter is a chapter. Didja no that?! REALLY?! Well now u no AGAIN. Tsubame's in it. That's for sure. Cuz I can't do anything about anyone else. Well, maybe I could, if I tried. But I don't feel like it. Right now at least.  
  
Disclaimer: *to the tune of Evanescence's Bring me to life (which I do....n't own* How do you know that I don't own anything here Pleading, I beg you, don't sue me If you do, I'll be a poor disgraced fool I'll be in jail where I will stay Until I ingeniously escape there (Chorus) Don't Sue Me Please don't sue me Don't Sue Me I don't own anything ETC ETC ETC (The syllables match up...)  
  
Ye royal chapter the 5th (applause, for it is old timeish): I was taking a stroll in the park  
  
*********  
  
It was a mighty fine day in Tokyo, except that there were gray clouds of gloom hanging overhead. As if that weren't enough, it was also pouring rain, making the grounds to muddy to do much of anything. "I wish I could do some laundry..." Kenshin sighed, regretting not taking the chance to do it at midnight when it was dry. But, unfortunately, he was getting sleep, which every healthy person needs. SLEEP. And indeed, Kenshin was a very healthy person. He ate a balanced meal everyday, having some calcium in the morning, and protein in the evening.  
  
But this story isn't about Kenshin's health, as I'm sure anyone would want to have. This story actually takes place away from the Kamiya dojo, in a place far greener and wet. Yes, you guessed it; The park! But who would dare go out into this awful rainy weather BESIDES the author? That's right! Tsubame, of coarse! However, her intentions for going to the park was not to get pneumonia, but to meet a certain someone very close to her heart.  
  
The note arrived early in the morning, and simply stated this:  
  
Yahiko,  
  
Meet me in the park this afternoon, if at all possible.  
  
--Tsubame  
  
Yahiko, a stubborn swordsman of about 15 years of age, had at first refused. "No WAY am I going out in that kind of rain! Is she trying to kill me?!" But after some ''reasonable reasoning'', as they put it, he reluctantly changed his mind. "Yahiko, you incompetent idiot! You need to learn how to treat women better! Tsubame-chan will be waiting in this pouring down rain, and if you don't come, she'll surely die waiting for you! Now, I'm not saying I like that girl, but it's common courtesy!" Kaoru, a loud-mouthed sensei about 7 years older than Yahiko, remarked.  
  
"I'd have to agree with Kaoru-dono Yahiko, that I do. Now, where'd that detergent go?" Kenshin offered, looking for laundry detergent, while Kaoru protested, saying that it was bad for the laundry to do it in the rain.  
  
"Yahiko, it would be a huge favor if you went to talk to her. That way, she wont have to come into my office..." Megumi stated, wishing above all wishes, even the wish that Kenshin would dump Kaoru for her, that Tsubame would NOT have to come into her office.  
  
Suddenly a telegram came, addressed to Yahiko. "I wonder who its from..." he wondered as he opened it up. It stated:  
  
Dear Yahiko Stop,  
  
I have reason to understand that you have turned down an offer to meet a certain girl in the park Stop. If I do say so myself, that is the worst gentlemenship I have ever seen Stop. You should be ashamed Stop! I should hop aboard a ship heading your way and kill you right then and there Stop! And— what? This doesn't have to have the word 'stop' after every sentence? Well, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT BEFORE UNCLE! I OUTTA  
*Due to the sever nature of this next section, we have purposely taken  
it out of the telegram*  
--Master Yutaro  
  
"Well, that was interesting..." Yahiko said.  
  
"Guys, guys! You're going about this all wrong! You can't just tell him to go—"Sano started, but was interrupted by a grateful Yahiko. "—You didn't let me finish. You can't just tell him to go; you have to use brute force along with it too."  
  
"AAAHHH! I'LL GO! I'LL GO!" Yahiko finally agreed, fearful for his own life.  
  
***MEANwhile***  
  
She hadn't gotten sleep in 4 days, this was troubling her so much. So she did the only logical thing she could think of: talking to him. She didn't care if it was raining. She would've come even if Mt. Fuji (Just because I might sound stupid, doesn't mean that I don't know my geography) was erupting, she wanted to see him so badly, for she had something to tell him that he needed to know.  
  
Tsubame looked at her wrist. It was a freckle past a hair already, and Yahiko hadn't shown up yet. Where could he be? Maybe something had hit him, and no one knew, because of all the fog. Or maybe he had just plain forgotten already. 'Well, he isn't quite THAT stupid...' Tsubame thought, thinking over the many possible reasons he was a pimple past a pore late. Maybe he had accidentally dropped his toaster into the sink, or—Wait a moment! What was that shadow in the distance? Could it be? Yes! It was him! He had finally shown up!  
  
...Except, he had suddenly turned...scaly and four-legged...  
  
Tsubame looked down at her wrist again, disappointed that is was only a dragon, probably come to destroy them all. It was already a freckle and a fifth past a hair, and still there was no sight of Yahiko anywhere. Tsubame began to feel cold. She hadn't expected Yahiko to take this long to get to the park. Maybe he was going to leave her in the park to die while she waited for him to come. He could also be out buying a beautiful present for Tsubame at this very moment. The thought of Yahiko spending money for an expensive gift she didn't need but would take anyway, was enough to make her face turn a light shade of crimson.  
  
Suddenly, there was a cracking noise behind her as twigs broke in two. Someone –or something - was behind her! She stood her ground, ready for the thing to attack, but it never came. Instead she heard a shivering voice say, "Tsu-Tsubam - bame? Is tha- that you? I c-can't tell; my ey-eyes are fro-frozen..." a voice she recognized as none other than Yahiko Myojin voice, stuttered in the cold.  
  
"Yahiko! You finally came!" Tsubame exclaimed overjoyed that he had actually come.  
  
"Y-yeah. So wh-what did you want t-to talk about-t-t-t?" Yahiko, still quivering from the coldness of the day, said.  
  
"Oh, yes. I wanted to tell you something," the girl started. "I've known you since we were about 11, and even back then, I could tell something was blooming between us—and I don't mean the daisies.  
  
"For the past few days, I haven't been able to eat, to sleep, to do anything without thinking of you. I was confused at first as to why this was happening, but I came to a conclusion. A very reasonable conclusion."  
  
"Y-yes? Go o-o-on..."  
  
"I love you, Yahiko. I want to be with you forever. You are the only one for me."  
  
"..."  
  
Tsubame just stood there, waiting for an answer. 'This wasn't the reaction I had hoped for...' she thought to herself. It looked as if Yahiko was trying to choose his words carefully, which could be a good thing, but is more of a bad thing than a good thing.  
  
"L-listen Tsubame," Yahiko started, putting his hand on her shoulder, "You're a really nice girl and all, but I just don't have the same feelings for you. I'm already in love with someone else. Sorry." And with that, he started to walk away, back to the warmth of the dojo.  
  
Tsubame just stood there. She couldn't believe her ears. She had this whole thing planned out. She would tell him that she loved him, and he would come and give a huge kiss on the lips, and whisper 'I love you too' to her. But she hadn't put the one factor that would tear her plan apart; that he had already fallen in love. It was at that very moment that she resolved to get rid of her opponents.  
  
*********  
  
It was late at night at the Kamiya Dojo, so everyone was obviously sleeping. Except for Kenshin. He couldn't sleep. He was already breaking his healthy habit! But who could blame him? He had just spent a whole day without doing the laundry, one of the things he loved to do most. By the way he looked, though, you would think he was a nut case. He was sitting in a corner, sucking on his thumb. His hair was all tangled, and his skin had turned a ghostly shade of white. Not to mention his eyes were wide open, like, freakishly wide open. But this chapter isn't about Kenshin, now is it! So we can just ignore him in his state of loneliness and confusion. This chapter is about Yahiko breaking Tsubame's heart, and Tsubame getting revenge.  
  
Tsubame was a clever little girl. She could easily sneak around with out being heard or seen by anybody. So, naturally, she could easily sneak around the Kamiya dojo. She was already inside the dojo. Now, all's she needs do is find Yahiko's room. Of coarse, on the way to his room, she'd have to pass Kenshin's room...  
  
It was lucky for her that Kenshin was in such a distressed mood, or she would've been toast. When she had passed his room, Kaoru was already in there trying to lure him out of the corner with laundry detergent. So it was safe for her to pass his room. When Kenshin had said he had seen her go by, Kaoru didn't believe him. "But it's true! Just as true as the spring fresh detergent smelling like minty fresh that it is!" He explained. "Oh, Kenshin..." Kaoru sobbed.  
  
She had passed that test; now was the test of Sano's room. This would be trickier, since he wasn't in a state of laundry-finic, or any nut case for that matter. She slyly passed his room with care. He seemed to be mumbling something..."Oh, Mr. Waffums, you're so...cute...zzzzz..." was all that Tsubame was able to decode. Suddenly the floor creaked, and not very quietly at that. Sano sat up straight and looked straight at Tsubame, half-asleep. He was staring intently at her, until he said, "No, Mr. Waffums izz at the vet today...," and fell back asleep. Kenshin yelled something along the lines of, "AAHH! THE SQUIRRELS ARE HERE FOR MY LAUNDRY PINS THAT THEY ARE!" And Kaoru just sobbed.  
  
Test two was beaten with little difficulty; now it was the final test. Yahiko's room. Tsubame slowly walked to his door, and stood there for a moment. She couldn't help but stare at the sleeping Yahiko.  
  
'Oh well. He isn't going to be sleeping for long...' She thought as she crept toward where Yahiko slept peacefully, carefully watching for creaking floorboards. She finally made it to the side of his bed. Reaching for her back, she slowly unsheathed the knife she had stored there. Bringing it above her head, she whispered three words before swinging it down:  
  
"Bye bye bye."  
  
As she swung the knife down, it occurred to her; N*SYNC. She didn't know why, but you know, she had this strange feeling they were going to be a popular boy band in the future.  
  
Just before the knife hat Yahiko, he turned to his side, and his hand went swinging. His hand hit Tsubame's hand, which redirected the knifes target point. It ended up hitting Tsubame in the (pick a body part). The next thing she remembered was a bright light, then...warmth. Lots of it. A little to much of it, actually. Suddenly a red guy popped up from nowhere, and introduced himself as "De Val". He explained that she was at the hot resort of ''Double Hockey-sticks inn''...  
  
*********  
  
Hi, I'm Kenshin, that I am. I am here to tell you that you should never become to attached to laundry. It does things to the brain. It can make you end up like me, if you are too attached. It may also create a terrible problem in the future...So remember: do NOT, I repeat do NOT do laundry for once a day for 10 years. Thank you.  
  
A/N: heheheheheh. I had fun with this. This is the only chapter of any story I did that I started and finished in the same day. But now its like 1:00 am...o well, its spring vacation. Who cares? *yawn*  
  
So, pwease review if you have come this far. Flames accepted! Nightie night...  
  
~ Smorsel, professor of Smorselology 101 


End file.
